A Playlist for Student Teachers

First Semester, YCE I
Before pre-planning, listen to…
“Stronger,” Kanye West: This is the song you listen to when you first get your placement. You’ve gotta try and pump yourself up, because even though you’re very excited, you’re also terrified. You know this is going to be the hardest year of your life so far and you want to go into it with a positive attitude. This song might get you there.

After your first day, listen to…
“Your Deep Rest,” The Hotelier: It’s the first day of pre-planning and you anxiety-vomited in a staff meeting with the entire school. You’ve never been more embarrassed. Maybe this won’t be your exact situation, but this is one of the best songs about wanting to die out there — and there’s going to be at least one day you want to die this year.

Once you’re in a rut, listen to…
“Something About Lemons,” Chumped: Guess what? Student teaching is mostly a series of painfully difficult and demanding days. You aren’t going to feel supported or prepared, and things are going to suck. People are going to put you down for being new, but in the words of Chumped, “Don’t let them shame you, dear, for trying to make lemonade of the shit they give you everyday.” I’ve heard it’s best to keep a positive attitude; good luck with that.

When you’re working on your practice EdTPA, listen to…
“Does It Amaze Thee?,” You, Me, and Everyone We Know: This is my EdTPA anthem because of the line “Does it amaze thee that I could be this banged up and still thrive?” When things are hard, this is a good song to listen to because it acknowledges the difficulty of your situation while still talking about success. A lot of songs can’t fit positivity into reality, and this one does a good job of that.

Once you’ve turned in your practice EdTPA, listen to…
“Mr. Brightside,” The Killers: Congratulations! You just turned in your practice EdTPA! Play this song because it’s upbeat and happy and still just a little stressed — like you, right now, probably! Best listening occurs at a Halloween party in Atlanta where everyone is screaming the lyrics along with you.

On the way to (and during) NCTE, listen to…
“Colorblind,” Movements: I got to go to NCTE which was a great opportunity, and I spent a lot of time while I was there thinking about how I didn’t deserve it and that I shouldn’t have been chosen. I enjoyed it and I’m glad I went, but there’s something about being surrounded by people who are smarter than you, who have more experience than you, who are more creative than you, literally just better than you believe you will ever be that brings the imposter syndrome out to play. Who did I trick into letting me be here? If you’re student teaching (whether or not you go to a conference), you’re going to have to deal with feeling like that, which is super uncomfortable. This is a good song for those feelings.

During winter break, listen to…
“Tomorrow Tomorrow,” Babygirl: Literally a song about procrastinating and putting off your worries — take some time to do this over break! The only thing you absolutely need to do is prepare your house and make sure it’s all clean before you give up on dishes, laundry, and dusting any surface during YCE II. Winter break should be spent doing happy things with people you love. Just skim the English Journal you’re assigned to read and try to accumulate positive experiences while you still have time to do so.

On New Year’s Eve, listen to…
“Closer to Fine,” The Indigo Girls: If you don’t ring in the New Year singing about how you’re getting better and doing well, then you need to re-evaluate what you’re doing with your life. This is one of my favorite songs because I’ve yet to find a situation it doesn’t apply to. (You could literally just listen to this song for every situation I’ve listed. It is that perfect.)

Second Semester, YCE II
When you start to get overwhelmed…
“100mg (Millennial),” Heart Attack Man: “Is it possible to die when you’re already in Hell?” So far, the answer is no. But you are in Hell. You need to do forty things that all impact whether or not you graduate and get a job, and you need to do them yesterday. Here’s another stand-out line, if the first one didn’t sell it: “My anxiety is everlasting and perennial.” Relatable! Thanks, Spotify Discover Weekly.

After you have to respond politely to a nasty email from a student…
“HUMBLE.,” Kendrick Lamar: Gee, I’m so so so sorry that you thought my grading was “really harsh,” but you had a scoring guide and knew the component that you didn’t include was worth half of the grade, so why is it my problem? I don’t know, but your students are going to try to make it your problem. In your head, you can tell them to sit down, be humble. But in all correspondence, you’ve gotta be toe a weirdly thin line between loving kindness and holding your ground. I wish I were able to respond to an email in less than twenty minutes, but I have to get all my snark out first and go through a few drafts. (This is also a great song to listen to when your online professors start sending passive aggressive emails lecturing you and your classmates for caring less about a one-credit-hour course than your clinical experience.)

On Valentine’s Day, when you’re too busy to see your partner…
“A Slow, Slow Death,” Los Campesinos!: Yes, you are too busy to see the person you love on weekdays (and some weekends). But you’re not too busy to daydream about them, “on a lilo, on an island in the Pacific.” Those sweet lines about your beau are followed by imagining yourself facedown in a puddle, and your self-pity will relish that imagery. Don’t get confused though, this song isn’t actually sad — another line that’s going to mean something to you is “in the middle, but I promise, there’s a slow, slow death if you want it.” Basically, once I stop being busy, we can have a life together. It’s a positive song, I swear.

On your sister’s birthday and you don’t get to go see her and spend time with your family because it’s less than two weeks before EdTPA is due, every single course you’re taking has work due, you’ve got to do a million things at your placement, you’re growing less and less confident you’ll get hired, and you’re only about three or four more bad days away from just dropping out, listen to…
“Too Old for This,” by Cayetana: “I don’t want to think about this or you anymore. They say just write what you know. They say just write what you know.”

Can Kindness Make A Difference?

In most schools, there is the one kid that EVERYONE knows by name—and not in a good way. I finally met THIS kid on Friday. For the purpose of the story, I’ll call him “Jeremy.”

During a lesson on proverbs, I caught a glimpse out of the corner of my eye of the classroom door opening. A young man walked in and Mrs. Smith, my co-teacher, began to walk toward him. I noticed her body language changed upon his entrance. Shifting my eyes to the other teacher in the room, I gave the “what’s going on?” look. I watched as the Mrs. Smith escorted him to the back of the room to be seated at a table. The other students smiled and exchanged smirks with one another. Jeremy shook his head and took a seat. He saw the smirks too. In return, he gave one of his own.

“What’s going on?” I thought to myself.

I assumed that it must be one of the kids who stays in trouble—based on how the teacher and the students reacted to his presence. I continued with my lesson.

When it was time for students to begin their group work, I walked around the classroom checking in with each group to answer questions and ensure all members were on task. I made my way to the back table where Jeremy was seated.

“Do you need something to work on?” I asked.

“Nope. I got plenty,” he said.

“Do you need any help with what you’re working on?” I questioned.

“Nah. She gave me too much stuff. I ain’t reading all this,” he said in a very matter-of-fact tone.

“What is it? Can I see?” I gestured as I reached for the papers.

“It’s Mythology. She didn’t have to kick me out of class. I wasn’t doing nothing. I was just making the other kids laugh,” he responded.

“Don’t you think it was distracting to the other students if you were making jokes?” I asked.

“She gave me three chances. I whispered. They laughed. She sent me out.”

“Sounds fair to me,” I smiled and said.

“We were doing group work. I was even with some AP kids. I should’ve been quiet and just let them do all the work,” he giggled.

“What? She put you with the AP kids and you just couldn’t keep quiet long enough to ride that gravy train and get this stuff done?” I smirked. “Man! You really messed up,” I laughed.

He laughed with me and said, “I sure did.”

“What’s your name?” I asked with a smile on my face.

“Jeremy,” smiling as he answered.

Just as the name left his lips, I knew exactly which Jeremy he was. It was THE Jeremy. The one ALL of the teachers talked about. He seemed normal in those few minutes of exchange. The teachers always talk about him like he is some kind of animal. I expected a hateful kid who threatened other students nonstop and who would never sit still at a table in the back of a classroom.

“Hi Jeremy. The kids call me Mrs. P. It’s nice to meet you.”

I continued walking around to check on my students to see where they were in the group work. Everyone was working. Occasionally, they would look back at Jeremy and exchange words—nothing bad and nothing disruptive. I would call out their names and tell them to finish their work. I would always end my circle of the room back at the table where Jeremy sat.

“Have you started reading yet?” I asked.

“No. I’m not reading this. It’s too much.”

“Are you passing the class?” I questioned.

“No.”

“Are you at least close? Is it doable at this point with 12 weeks to go?” I innocently asked.

“Yeah. It’s doable. I’m close to passing. I’ll just get the answers from my group,” he said.

“That is a lot of reading. I feel you. I’m reading a ton for college, but I want to make high grades, so I just do it. Honestly, I can’t wait for graduation so I can spend some time reading things I want to read…and maybe even taking a week or so where I don’t read anything!” I exclaimed.

“My mama is in college too,” he replied.

“Really? Where does she go?” I asked.

“Strayer.”

“I took a few courses there. It just wasn’t for me. I didn’t like the way they calculated their credit hours. It really affected what classes could be transferred to other colleges. Tell your mom she had better stay there and graduate to avoid having to redo some classes,” I warned.

“Okay. I’ll tell her,” he commented as he shook his head up and down.

I resumed my spot at the front of the classroom to help students wrap up their group work and to announce the homework. The bell rang. The students left. Jeremy also left. By this time I had returned to the back of the room where my desk sits.

“Bye Mrs. P!” he yelled on his way out the door.

“Bye Jeremy. Be good!” I replied.

Moments later, I still found myself questioning why the other teachers hated this kid so much. He seemed fine in the forty-five minutes that had passed. I wonder if he would turn on me too if I were to see him every day.  Could I make a difference in this kid’s life if he were in my class? Who knows, but I would like to think that I could.

Each time the news announces a new school shooting, my heart sinks. While my heart breaks with sadness over the trauma those kids experience, the other part of me wonders what kind of kid would do such a thing. It always seems to be the “loner kid” that no one likes—the “weird kid” or the “angry kid.” I flash forward—back to this moment with Jeremy. Could he turn into THAT kid that might do something? If he did, would he remember the way the other kids in the class looked at him as he walked into our classroom today? Would that be an easy “justified” target in a kid’s mind? All the questions and scenarios plague my mind. Each time I try to switch gears and think about something else, my mind goes back to the same question. Can kindness make a difference?

For each of the school shooters, could multiple acts of kindness have changed their path? Maybe not, but could it have changed some? Perhaps. We have to acknowledge that mental health plays a role in school shootings, but can mockery and condescending smirks also play a role? I don’t know the answers to these questions, but I do know that kindness can make a difference in a troubled child’s life. I’ve seen it first hand with children I have fostered. Sometimes the kind words spoken might be the only kind words they hear that day—or even that week.

I challenge each of you to reach out and teach kindness. Let’s just see if it can make a slight difference. There’s no expense. There’s no personal cost. There’s no negative that can come from it either. Let’s try to make the world a kinder place—one kind gesture at a time.