At the beginning of the semester, I had a wonderful and developing relationship with my focus class’ students. There always seemed to be a balance between work and play, which made the classroom come to life. My kids seemed to be open with me, and everyday the majority of them would come rushing into the room to ask me how my day was going. After my outgoing student got the immediate attention they needed, I purposely asked by quieter students how they were doing; I wanted my kids to know that I cared. The community in my classroom was thriving (every teacher’s dream)!
After missing several days of school due to inclement weather, it seemed impossible to get back to the way things were. Every step I took forward, one particular student would push the class five steps backwards. This student would purposely try to start arguments with two other students (the only two students of color in my class). He clearly had a problem with them. After each inappropriate outbreak I would pull the student aside or verbally reprimand him during class; however, the two students that were targeted seemed to have the impression that I was fine with this behavior.
Like a volcano waiting to erupt, the two students’ harbored feelings came out during class. At this point the drama was starting to interfere with my students’ learning. I knew I had to get the facts (and my students) straight. During my “come to Jesus” meeting with the class, I said my peace about targeting students and inappropriate outbursts, but from the looks on some of the kids faces they were going to forever be on guard while in this room. They clearly no longer looked forward to my class. I tried another attempt at explaining things with the two students after class, yet they still did not want to believe that I was on their side. They looked at me like I was alien when I said that I wanted them to tell me what they needed to feel comfortable in the class, and they rolled their eyes when I asked them to let me know if anymore issues with the other student occurred. Clearly these students did not have a great history with teachers following through with what they said.
Fast forward to the present:
My time student teaching is almost up. While the incident at the beginning of the year caused some good relationships to go sour, other relationships blossomed. The two students that were targeted (and of course their close friends) come dragging into class with evidence all on their faces that they do not want to in the class. Despite my best effort, I have been “froze out”. This situation has truly been a wake-up call to me. I realized that I should have tried to handle things more aggressively when I first saw the situation forming. I cannot help thinking that if I had met with the two students earlier and tried to involve the counselors the end result would have been different. If I had done things differently there is no telling how awesome my classroom’s community could have been! I feel as though I failed my students this semester. I was not the teacher that I should have been for them, and I did not create a classroom environment that was welcoming to all. In the end, my students were the one’s that suffered. It was a hard lesson to learn (a very LONG lesson)! I know that going into my first year teaching, I will have a new lens with which to view situations, and I will have prior experience to use as a future resource.
Teaching as Storytelling 