The Most Dramatic Post in the History of Teaching as Story Telling …How I Became the Bachelorette

I’m Becca K.

If you didn’t read the tabloid magazines from February to March when you checked out at the grocery store, let me give you a crash course in this past winter’s trash TV. Arie, the infamous Bachelor on ABC’s top reality show, proposed to Becca K. while still in love with another contestant. Red flags? Most definitely.

After a few months into the engagement, he broke up with Becca ON TV and proposed to the other contestant. Was this staged? Probably. But for the sake of this particular story, let’s go with this-is-one-hundred-percent-true.

Becca K. was promised a future that was then taken away from her. If you didn’t tune in this winter to the drama, let me just tell you my story. It’ll do the show a little justice…I think.

There I was at the final rose ceremony. I had on my best dress or really suit, and I had my speech prepared. My insides were a cocktail of confidence and uncertainty. Sure, I had gotten this far, but that didn’t mean I was promised anything. I received rose after rose. I made it through group (class), two-on-one (collaborating teaching) and one-on-one dates (YCE). I made a good impression, one that I hoped would help me out that day.

He called me in and spoke to me for what seemed like an eternity. By the end of our conversation, I had a job. I got the rose. I knew that I was qualified for the job, but there was still a part of me that was in shock. This was getting all too real.

I left the meeting with the promise that human resources would call me to make everything even more official.

So, I anxiously waited.

Teachers contacted me. The school contacted me. I visited with the staff and students. I was preparing for what I believed would be my future.

Yet, I was still waiting on HR.

Days went by.

 I still waited.

I got a call on a Wednesday during my 4^th block class. My collaborating teacher told me to take it out in the hall. She was anxiously waiting with me. Human Resources was finally calling me. My heart was racing as I unlocked my phone.

Instead of getting a “congratulations call,” I got a “you need to come up with a plan B, you don’t have this job anymore” call. Due to some unforeseen changes, the future that I had been promised was no longer mine.

I slipped my phone into my pocket and sunk to the dirty floor of the freshman building. I didn’t understand it—I had just talked to the principal the day before. None of what I heard felt real. My mind started to fill with words punching my insides.

You weren’t good enough in the first place. Why did you get your hopes up? This was bound to happen. Nothing comes that easily to you. Idiot. You’re screwed. Good luck trying to find a job. You should have made a better impression.

Hearing a student coming to the door that I was sitting outside of, I picked myself up, put a smile on, and entered the class to help my students. My insides were going crazy. Regardless of how I felt, the “show” so-to-speak, still had to go on.

I taught through my frustration. I taught through my anger. I taught through my confusion. I fought back all the tears. For someone who is emotional, it takes all the strength to fight the intense waves that were slapping me in the face during that moment.

And then the kids left, and a bit of my frustration, anger, and confusion did too. I no longer knew where I would be next year. I no longer had a job (thought I had a job). I no longer had a plan.

Like Becca K, I was promised something.

Like Becca K, I had my plans changed.

Like Becca K, I was given a second chance.

While I don’t believe that a reality TV show exemplifies true love or anything worth spending time on, Becca was given the second chance at something whether that be fame or this false Idea of true love as the new bachelorette.

I believe I was given a second chance that Wednesday.

Getting rejected at this school was my second chance at finding the right school to land in for this next year. Rejection S T I N K S. Having plans change on you outside of your control is H A R D. Feeling forgotten H U R T S.

Moving through rejection, changes in plans, and painful feelings make people stronger though. While this illustration most definitely is cheesy and maybe even a bit forced, I’m thankful for this second chance. I’m thankful to continue the job search in hopes that I find the right place to teach.

About everything that I have encountered this year has been packed full of life lessons and wisdom ready for me to take hold of. I feel like I have the wisdom of a 60 year-old after YCE. This second chance at a job has only continued this lesson learning process.

I’m learning that just like we say “We teach students about English…not English to students” I need to also say “I teach students at a school. Not (insert school name) students.” Teaching isn’t about a particular school or subject matter. Teaching isn’t about seeming cool. Teaching isn’t easy like people make it out to be. Teaching isn’t arts and crafts and nap time. Teaching isn’t reading books for fun. Teaching isn’t simple. No, not at all.

Teaching is about people. Teaching is relationship-building. Teaching is helping Lauren in 4th block process her father dying. Teaching is getting the respect from thirty teenagers in one room. Teaching is keeping students safe. Teaching is intervening and reporting when students are in danger. Teaching is vision-casting. Teaching is trouble-shooting. Teaching is being a student’s mentor, friend, advocate, and safe-person. Teaching is hard. Teaching is worth it. Teaching is exhausting. Teaching is about believing in the future so much so that you want to spend times developing the minds of the future.  

I’m ready for the job search and more than ready to continue teaching…I’m scared but ready.

In the words of Becca K, “let’s do this damn thing.”

Be Where Your Feet Are

My head bumps the top of ceiling as I get back into the safari jeep again. “Are you okay?” someone asks. I respond with a weak “Yes. The ceiling and I are just getting aquatinted.” After five hours of driving and nursing my throbbing head, the jeep parks for us to get some needed stretch time for our weary legs. As I get out, the dry heat burns my abnormally white skin that Crayola has not found a name for in the white pallet. I take two steps forward and hear a noise that will cause anyone’s heart to stop. I avoid looking down—ignorance is so bliss…most of the time. But I can’t avoid the unavoidable for long, so I look down. Sure enough, my pants just ripped. Not just a little bit, no. The entire back side of my right pant leg fell off. Maybe it was the head injury that the jeep ceiling gave me or my lack of water that day, but nothing was going to stop me from the night Safari.

Sammy lifts the roof of the jeep, something I wish he’d done five hours ago. We hop back in. Sammy and I talk about life—about his children, his dreams, his hope for his home, and sports. Well, Sammy talks about sports, I just listen. An hour into the conversation, I ask Sammy when we are going to begin the safari. Sammy looks at me as if I had lost my left pant leg. “Nzuri. We started an hour ago.” (Again, I blame the head injury).

Safari’s don’t have a straight route. There are no roads, directions, or set paths. To safari means to drive into untouched territory with no plan other than to be back before dark so you don’t get eaten by an animal. Sammy smiles and tells me “Hakuna Matata. Look up. Look out.”

People say you haven’t seen a sunset until you see an African one. While the myriad of colors painting the skyline will leave you without words, this amazing vista is what changes a person.  The remote, untouched land takes on new life with each fading ray of sun hitting the red earth and pale grasses. I’d even argue that pictures rob the beauty beneath the fertile ground.

As I watch the scenes unfold and listento the hum of Sammy’s jeep, my mind travels to my students back in the Rift Valley. I think about the orphans and my friends without homes. The beauty of the land juxtaposes the poverty in circumstances. But something feels different. This land feels full and energized. I forget about the lack.

Elephants paint the horizon. Giraffes come close. Lions stay far away. I watch as cheetahs are chased by baboons, and as the zebras race each other. I breathe in and close my eyes. No hand has touched the grasses or trees. Beauty and fullness do not come from the work of man, but from the land God has provided. These animals are as wild as they get which is not unlike my hair most mornings. They haven’t entered my home; I’ve entered their kingdom. Sammy looks at me. As if he can see my mind moving 150mph, he puts his hand on my shoulder and whispers, “be where your feet are.”

I catch myself most days, saying something along the lines of “when I graduate.” Before that, it was “when I start student teaching.” Before that, it was “when I get that one professor.”  When I find myself in this trap of wishing for a job or to be a seasoned teacher or to finally have my own classroom, my mind travels back to Africa—the place where people live for the moment in front of them because that’s all they have promised….”be where your feet are” resonates with me often.

In Africa, I would marvel at the sight of a lion who was doing nothing other than being a lion. It didn’t take effort or training or a certificate or validation from someone else for the lion to be a lion. While I have more training now and I am about to get that piece of paper that says I can legally teach, I’ve been a teacher since I was five and played “pretend teacher” with my friends after school. I’ve been a teacher since I read my first sentence in pre-k. I’ve been a teacher since I started babysitting. I’ve been a teacher since I was bullied in middle school. I’ve been a teacher long before I will ever receive that piece of paper that validates who I am already.

I consider myself to be someone in the business of building character. Reading a book teaches kids to think about something from a different perspective, fostering empathy. Writing an essay teaches kids to know theiraudience, instilling a sense of ownership and developing communication skills. Getting the kid that sleeps the entire class to wake up develops perseverance in a student and teacher.

While students need training to do certain things, they do not need validation from an authority figure to have the character of a writer, a doctor, an actor, or whatever it is that they want to be. While a student may not have the training needed to be a practicing doctor, he or she can still heal others. We as teachers, specifically English teachers, get to facilitate this development. We can teach that future doctor how to use words, how to heal deep wounds, and how stories can help others fight their own battles. Words are powerful, meaningful, impactful.

I write this for three different sets of people:

1. Students: Wherever you are at…whoever you are…don’t live for the “when.” Your opportunity now is far greater.
2. Teachers: We need to be investing in our students’ character and current state rather than ONLY pushing them to think about the future.
3. Pre-service teachers: Don’t wait to become a teacher. You are on a journey as a teacher NOW.

Don’t wish your feet were ten years into the future when you have been given this day. Don’t run on ground that isn’t there yet. When we live for all of the moments ahead, we forget to take complete advantage of the moment we are in. If you’re in the process of whatever, your moment is right now. Be where your feet are…

The Most Dramatic Post Yet: Why Student Teaching May Seem Just Like The Bachelor But Isn’t

Disclaimer: Sometimes we all need a little trash TV mental break

While the twenty something of us in the 2017-2018 cohort have been on this journey to becoming teachers, twenty something women have been on a journey to finding love. As Chris Harrison says, “it’s like nothing you’ve ever seen before.”

If you have never watched The Bachelor before and/or have never snuck a peek at the tabloids when checking out at a grocery store which love to talk about the show (99% of us have), let me help you out a bit. Imagine this scenario. Twenty something women put their lives on hold to chase after the same guy. Before you begin commenting about how wrong this is, trust me…I agree. Throughout the short process, the eligible bachelor eliminates women until he is left with two ladies. The end results in him giving a final rose and an engagement ring to the lucky (loosely speaking) winner. Along the way, women leave because they just aren’t “there for the right reasons” or “didn’t realize that the process would be this hard.” In between the “shocking reveals” are tears, drama, and cat-fights—all of which millions of viewers watch unfold each week.

Let me paint another picture for you. Twenty something pre-service teachers put their lives on hold to chase after a dream of changing students’ lives and pursuing a career in education. Before you begin commenting about how wrong this is, let me be the first to tell you that you’re wrong. Throughout the (relatively) short process, some of us have second thoughts. Here’s where things are different. The end doesn’t result in a final rose being given to one lucky person, but instead in all of us graduating (hopefully with jobs).

With the pressure of graduating, passing the GACE, finishing edTPA, and searching for a job, things start to get intense. In a way, we are all fighting for a job as we embark on this life changing journey together. As the not-so-beloved Bachelor season comes to a close along with our student teaching, I felt that this would be an appropriate time to discuss how The Bachelor is not and shouldn’t even closely resemble our student teaching experience (even though it may seem like it does).

1. It may seem like we are all waiting for the final rose, but we aren’t. The contestants of the show live in this uncertainty. There isn’t just another woman but other women (please notice the plural noun). They are at the mercy of whatever the bachelor at the time feels is right. While we are all competing (so-to-speak) for a job, there won’t just be one job. While it may start to get a little dicey as the job search unfolds itself, this isn’t a show like The Bachelor where only one of us wins.

2. It’s okay to not feel a connection. All of the contestants are competing against one another. The winner of the show has the strongest connection. Student teaching is nothing like this. There will be certain students, teachers, and schools that we just don’t connect with. Not having a connection doesn’t mean you aren’t a good teacher—it means you’re finding out what works and what doesn’t work for you.

3. Dr. Birmingham Is NOT Chris Harrison, but he is pretty similar. Not only is Chris Harrison part host of the show, but he is also part therapist, part matchmaker, and part friend to all of the participants. Dr. Birmingham may not be setting us up with a future husband or wife, but he is giving us a lot of the tools we need for the future. He isn’t just an advisor, but our troubleshooter, therapist, and mentor.

4. There is not a first impression rose. The Bachelor is known for that first impression rose; the rose people fight for the first night which establishes their street-creds. During student teaching, we all have to fight for our own first impressions that are unique to our experience. Here is the catch: we don’t just have a first impression rose but a year-long impression rose also known as a job recommendation. Without that job recommendation from a collaborating teacher, you may struggle a bit to secure a future job.

5. Two-on-ones aren’t bad. The Bachelor is infamously known for the dreaded two-on-one dates—where two women go on one date with the same man. I think the only thing more awkward than that would be forgetting to put pants on before teaching and finally realizing that you were pant-less after two hours of instruction. I’d like to take a second to compare the two-on-one to a co-teaching model. When you find the right co-teacher, the job actually becomes more fun. Just because there are two teachers in one room does not mean your ability to teach is being questioned or at risk of being taken away. By the end of this student teaching process, we should all be professional co-teachers because we have been with at least one other teacher the entire time.

6. If you aren’t here to make friends, you probably should change majors. There is usually one girl in the bachelor house who “isn’t here to make friends.” This major—this profession really—is a relational job. To teach students means that we need to stay sane and remain effective, something I believe is done through relationships built and fostered among other teachers. While some of the bachelor contestants may be able to get away with that, not making friends may be what ruins you as a teacher.

7. We get a date card every day (minus weekends). Instead of having to wait around for our time to build a connection, we have a date card every day. This is called student teaching. Each day, we have the chance to connect, practice, and spend time with what may or may not be a big part of our future. We don’t have to wait around hoping that our name is on a date card—we all have our individual placements five days a week.

8. Don’t completely throw yourself out there. While women on the show seem to throw themselves at one guy, I don’t think the same thing should be done with student teaching and searching for a future job. Just like Amy Poehler once said, “Treat your career like a bad boyfriend. Here’s the thing. Your career won’t take care of you. It won’t call you back or introduce you to its parents.” While it is important for us to put ourselves out there as new teachers, a little distance keeps us sane and (I would argue) more marketable.

9. Eat food and take care of yourself. Contestants don’t seem to touch the food on their plates during a one-on-one date. I’m sure there are some logistics about eating when being hooked to a microphone (no one wants to hear someone chewing food into a microphone), but we aren’t hooked up to microphones while student teaching. With that said, taking lunch to school is definitely worth it (something that I didn’t do at all my first semester of student teaching).

10. Crying isn’t always the right thing to do in every situation. It seems like most contestants shed more than a few tears. While student teaching definitely presents some tearful/freak out moments, crying doesn’t solve much. There are moments that are inescapable, but whining and crying about every issue sets people up for burnout in the profession. Contestants on the show may be able to get by navigating a sail boat in the ocean of their own tears, but pre-service teachers don’t have that opportunity. Instead of wasting all energy on negative aspects of the journey, taking action in things that we can control is a better use of the little energy we do have.

While student teaching is absolutely not like The Bachelor or any trash TV for that matter, there are quite a few tears shed and monumental changes in our individual lives. I believe by the end of the most dramatic journey yet (YCE 2017-2018), Dr. Birmingham will be able to utter the same words Chris Harrison does after every rose ceremony, “take a moment and say your final goodbyes.” But instead of us saying goodbye to a bachelor, we will be saying goodbye to one another as we launch out into our individual futures as English educators…a journey I cannot wait to embark on.

 

How To Move On When It Just Isn’t Working

Joe and I were in a serious relationship for a number of years. When we met, I had no intention of getting involved. I honestly thought that Joe was overrated. I’d heard all of the rumors. People either loved him or hated him. I’ll be honest, he had a reputation. Once people spent enough time with him, they were hooked. I knew I’d be stronger than the masses. Joe wasn’t going to break me. As I tried to avoid him, he somehow found every single way to show up. I’d run into him in the mornings and as I ran errands–literally everywhere.

Anytime I saw him, I’d avoid contact. I used every excuse in the book. It’s not you, it’s me…I’m just not ready for something like this…You’re not my type…and my personal favorite…I’m just not that into you. Nothing worked, so I found myself caving.

I kept it casual at first because I didn’t want feelings to get too strong. We saw each other once a week at the most. That only lasted so long. I soon got so attached that I felt I needed him to even function. If I wasn’t with Joe, I was thinking about Joe.

Our relationship soon turned into a rollercoaster of emotions. One minute we loved each other, and then the next minute we were fighting. One of his exes reached out to me–she said “run while you can.” I started having my doubts. He seemed so great. Joe could make you feel like you were capable of anything as long as he remained by your side.

The days Joe wasn’t around were hard and long. I couldn’t take it. There were days when I would stay in bed because I couldn’t function without him.

My friends sat me down one day and told me that this relationship needed to stop. They let me know that life was not meant to be lived being this dependent on someone as terrible as Joe. I was in denial. I let them know Joe and I were fine because I truly believed we were. My friends decided to challenge me to something because I just wasn’t understanding what they were saying.

In January of 2018, I was challenged to give up caffeine. Yes…Joe is a cup of coffee.

Queue the groaning, eye-roll, and sighs.

I had never truly been hooked on caffeine until student teaching began back in August. I used to be the person you wanted to punch in the face in the morning. You know what I’m talking about. The person who sings with the birds, cooks an elaborate breakfast, exercises, and usually reads for fun…all before 7:00am. I’ve never been the person that needs coffee in order to wake up. But between edTPA and early morning commutes, I found myself needing that extra pick-me-up.

And as my caffeine-less mind reflects upon teaching and coffee and everything good in the world, I think I’ve found a connection. Too much of anything isn’t great, and the excess of whatever that thing is can turn into a bad habit. Five cups of coffee a day isn’t the best habit to have (before you say anything, I know five cups is a lot). I’d argue that five worksheets in one class period is also a terrible habit.

Teaching routines and practices are a lot like a bad caffeine addiction. It starts out harmless, and it honestly feels good. Then that new thing becomes the new normal. The tough reality of habits is the fact that they are hard to break. The breaking of a bad habit takes work, takes time, and usually involves a bit of pain and discomfort along the way. As I watch veteran teachers doing their thing, I’ve found myself making comments like “I’ll never do that” and “they don’t need to teach.” As I continue to discover my teacher identity, I’m realizing that making those comments may be the most dangerous thing to do. As Justin Bieber says, “never say never.”

Again…queue the eye-roll and internal groaning.

I told myself I wouldn’t drink coffee, but when I started drinking coffee, my life felt like it was getting easier. If I promise to not do x, y, or z while teaching, I may very well end up doing those things because they make my life feel easier.

Just like I had to have a tough (and humorous) conversation about my caffeine addiction, I think we (as educators) need to have similar conversations about our teaching practices. We need to ask ourselves what we are dependent on. We need to evaluate what is healthy and what needs to go. We need to be okay with change, even when it hurts.

Do I still drink coffee? I’d be lying if I said no. I may or may not be drinking a GRANDE from Starbucks at the moment. The difference now is that I’m not dependent on caffeine. Studies show that coffee is actually good for you. Just like a little coffee is okay, I do believe that a worksheet, workday, independent work, and any other questionable teaching practice every now and then is okay too. The moment when a worksheet day becomes our new normal as teachers is when we probably (really) need to have that tough conversation.

So, how do you move on from teaching practices when they just aren’t working? How do you get rid of those bad habits and inaccurate beliefs about students and learning?

Community.

I most definitely did a WebMD search on how to get rid of a caffeine addiction, but I don’t believe teaching habits are broken by weaning off of worksheets or quitting things cold-turkey. I believe lasting change and transformation for educators happens within professional communities.

It’s organizations like NCTE and GCTE. It’s professional development days. It’s those teaching friends you make in the hallways of your school. It’s this cohort. These communities are the ones that allow us to break those bad habits. Why? They demand accountability. They offer new perspectives. They hold friendships. They inspire creativity. They keep education alive. They call you out when you can’t see what’s wrong.

But most importantly…they believe in the same thing–that education still changes lives.