When to give up

My final, and possibly my most important lesson was that I will not be able to save all of my students. Prior to student teaching, I had an idealized hope of my classroom. No matter the student, no matter the circumstance, no matter what lengths I had to go to, I will be able to help all of my students. I even went into student teaching with that same mindset. Unfortunately, or possibly fortunately depending on how you look at it, my mindset of “saving all of the children” changed this year.

I was teaching eleventh grade American Literature. This was at the beginning of the semester. I was still getting a feel for all of my students. Who were the over achievers, who were the class clowns, who were the talkative students. I also made it my goal to identify the underachievers, and figure out how to change them. Fortunately, this strategy worked for a couple students. I would bond with the student, and from there it would be easier to work with the student on improving their work ethic. This gave me a tremendous amount of hope that you can help students. It won’t be easy, it will take time, but it can be done. Then I focused my attention on Terrell.

Terrell was a student with Emotional Behavior Disorder. He was notorious for cursing out, and even physically assaulting, both students and teachers. Initially after hearing his intimidating track record, I was very hesitant to intervene. What if he curses me out? What if he assaults me? I was letting my mind run away with all of the possibilities. Eventually, I decided that the pros outweighed the cons. What if I’m the only teacher that tries to reach out to him because of his reputation? I could really make a difference.

Things started off well with Terrell. Surprisingly, we bonded. We had similar experiences in life, which made him a little more open to me and my attempts to improve his work ethic. However, it seems like my words of encouragement went in one ear and out of the other. He was still open to talking to me about things that were going on with him, but he would never attempt to change his behavior in school. I figured that I was making somewhat of a positive impact on Terrell. At least in the time that I started working with him, he had no behavior issues. That was until he threatened and attempted to assault my teacher.

He was of course suspended for his actions. Despite the severity of the situation, I figured that this should not overshadow his progress. He had gone two months without any behavioral issues. That should count for something, shouldn’t it? Unfortunately, shortly after returning back to school from his suspension, Terrell was given another ten days of suspension for skipping school. I was devastated that Terrell had ruined what we both worked so hard on.

I confided in my CT about my feelings. She told me that while she noticed and applauded my efforts, she knew that it was a battle I wasn’t going to win. She told me that it is our natural instincts as teachers to want to reach each student. She continued by saying that while I should try my hardest with all students, I have to learn when I have done all that I can.

Wait…I have to manage my classroom?

Something that I have struggled with since the moment I have stepped foot into a classroom is my classroom management style. I just had no idea how to go about it. Sure, I did not want students talking and sending snapchats to friends through my lessons, but I had no idea how to stop it. Well, no, that’s not entirely true. I was just not completely comfortable with it. I have a very laid back personality. Let me give you an idea of what it’s like to be in my classroom. Whatever you want to do is cool with me. Sure, work at your own pace. You want to work while listening to music? That’s completely fine. My motto is: As long as you’re getting your work done without bothering me or your classmates, do your thing. I learned quickly that I was teaching high school students, not college students. While my classroom management style may work for a few high school students, it will not work for the majority. Unfortunately, it took one wild ride for me to realize that.

It was my first semester of student teaching. I walked into my placement wide eyed and bushy tailed, full of ideas, and ready to hit the ground running. I walked into my collaborating teacher’s classroom about 10 minutes before the bell signaling the beginning of first period rang. There was a smile on my face, and optimism and excitement in my heart. I was ready to start the day. About 10 minutes into first period, a student spewed out and directed every curse word he knew at my collaborating teacher. The only thing she did to “deserve” this treatment was ask him to take his backpack off and remove his earphones. Needless to say, after witnessing my collaborating teacher get verbally annihilated by a thirteen year old in a matter of seconds, that previously mentioned smile, optimism, and excitement was nowhere to be found. Is this what kids are like? I mean, it was not necessarily something new to me. I did go to school K-12 in DeKalb County, which for those who don’t know is a pretty rough county. But, witnessing this behavior as a teacher instead of as a student shocked me. Knowing that that behavior can, and probably will, be directed at me was scary to me.

For some reason, I refused to face the facts. That student had to have just been a fluke, right? Students aren’t actually like that. They can’t be. Students know better than to disrespect teachers like that. After all, people come to school to learn. Yeah, that was just a weird, disrespectful, once in a school year, type of student. Nothing to worry about. Now the bell signaling the start of second period rang. Students began to flood into my classroom. This was my focus class, and now it was my time to put all of excitement and ideas into action. Let’s do this.

I took the lead for this class. I asked them to put away their phones and headphones. That request was met with a annoyed glance, and a return to their phones. I decided to push through and proceed with the activities. Unfortunately, students would not stop talking. Again, I am a very laid back person. So, I gently and calmly requested that they stop talking so that we could continue with the lesson. No one even batted an eye. Eventually, my CT decided to step in to get the class back on task. Again, my smile, excitement, and optimism had all disappeared. I never even thought about classroom management, to be honest. Now, it was all I could think about.

In the weeks to follow, I did all the research pertaining to classroom management that I could find. Any article, any blog, and any teacher that was willing to talk to me about it. I was determined to learn. Eventually, I did. It was trial and error, but I was able to grow a backbone as well as develop classroom management skills. I am by no means perfect at classroom management. I would not even say I am great. What I will say is that I am much more comfortable and effective than I was during my first semester. It is obvious that I am still learning, but it is also obvious how much I have learned.

Why don’t you like me?

As a new, young, and (I would like to think) cool potential teacher, I am used to students making me a bigger deal than I actually am. “You’re a college student?!”, “You’re so cool!”, “Can you teach me how to do makeup?” are a few phrases that I have heard a considerable amount of times since I entered the classroom during my first field experience. Needless to say, I loved it. I was relatable to the kids, and I think that’s what they enjoyed so much about me. Yes, I was their teacher, but I could also talk to them about the new Migos album, the occasional temptation to eat Tide Pods, and how sucky the new Snapchat update is. It is fair to say that I felt pretty secure in my student’s minds as “literally the coolest teacher ever.”

This semester started off no differently. I was still the same cool, relatable, and hilarious teacher candidate I had been for the past few semesters. Just like always, my students loved me. But, there was one student who just wasn’t buying the whole “cool teacher” thing. While the other students would flock to me to tell me about their weekend or show me their new phone, he stayed to himself, seemingly disgusted by it all. “How strange,” I thought to myself, “he doesn’t want to talk to me?” (I know I sound terribly conceited, just roll with it). I figured, “Maybe he’s just shy and a little introverted. I don’t want any of my kids feeling uncomfortable in my classroom.” From that day forward, I made it my mission to bring him out of his shell.

I started with a daily check-in. “Hey John, how are you? How was your weekend? Did you do anything fun?” He would always reply with a bland, “Nope.” Any attempt at conversation was always immediately shut down by him. Eventually, I tried talking to him about what the other students talk to me about. Their favorite sports team, what happened at the school dance this past weekend, I even complimented him on his new Vans. Nothing seemed to spark his interest. Until he came to school with a tee shirt with the band The 1975 on it.

Little did he know, I was obsessed with The 1975 in high school. I had all the albums, I went to one of their concerts, and I even own some merchandise myself. When I saw his shirt I complimented him on it as casually as I could. My compliment was met with a doubtful, “Do you even know who they are?” His response conjured up multiple emotions. One was joy. That was the most that he has ever said to me. The second was surprise. Was he really doubting my status as a real deal fan of The 1975? Regardless of my emotions, I knew I had to keep this conversation going. “Oh, I see…I have to hit you with some cold, hard facts,” I replied. I listed off my favorite albums and songs of theirs; I was sure to not mention any of the popular songs so that he knows I’m a “real fan”. I told him about the first time I saw the band live, and I even told him about why I like them so much.

I saw the look of doubt become replaced with disbelief by the time I completed my rant. I could tell that he was extremely surprised at what I knew. After a brief pause John responded, “So, you really got to go to one of their concerts? I wanted to go so badly and I never got the chance! Do you think they’ll tour again?” I was so relieved. “Yes,” I thought, “I finally found something that we have in common.” We spoke for about 10-15 more minutes about the band, the possibility (and our hope) of a new album, and my experience at their concert. That conversation set the tone for the rest of the interactions between John and I. No, he still did not think I was cool, but he now thinks I’m “not as lame as I appeared originally.”

I learned a couple of important lessons from my experience with John. The first is, you always have something in common with someone. No matter how different you all might seem, there is something that you guys have in common. It could be that you all have the same favorite soda, or that you all are both the middle child, or that you both just started watching the television series The Office (even though you’re extremely late to the party and everyone is constantly reminding you of that).  I think that it is even more important to try to form those connections and relationships as a teacher with your students. As a teen in a middle or high school setting, having a bond with someone, even a teacher, is monumental in their confidence and comfortability levels.

I also realized and was a little taken aback by my need to have a student like me. Despite how happy I was to have finally gotten through to John, I realized that John thinking that I was a cool teacher is not important. John getting an education from me is what is important. As long as I provide a safe and comfortable environment for my students and perform my duties as a teacher, the other frivolous things do not matter.

 

I Would Literally Rather Jump Off Of A Bridge…

From the moment that I decided to become a teacher, I have naturally been extremely excited for the moment that I would get to have my own classroom. I used to imagine it. Facilitating in-depth conversations based on a text, decorating my classroom, creating and facilitating innovative activities, and of course, being the cool teacher. But, the one thing that I was definitely not looking forward to was the parents. I had heard so many horror stories. “They’re awful. They’re just awful.”, “I’ve never met a parent who was willing to consider the fact that their child is capable of wrongdoing.”, “I swear to God, I think I saw a parent’s head turn around mid-conference.”, “Avoid them at all costs.”. After hearing these comments, I was understandably terrified of parents.

I had done the very best I could to avoid communication with parents. I would tell my CT things that I wish I could say to parents, and just hope that she would take the hint. And, she always did. I was afraid that eventually, she would push me to talk to parents. After all, I am the teacher. It only makes sense for me to communicate with the parents. But, if she was not going to force me to, I was not going to try to. But, I knew that the time for me to finally make my first contact with parents was quickly approaching.

There is a student in my class who refuses to participate. He would come to class every day with his hood on, and earphones in. Additionally, he would sleep the whole period despite constant nagging from my CT and I. My CT had reached out to his mother via email at the beginning of the year, but she never responded. After seeing me completely give up on getting him to participate, my CT decided it was time for me to reach out to his mother. She called me over to her desk after class had ended. She had a sweet, suspicious smile on her face. I knew she wanted something from me. Something I did not want to give. “Ashley,” she started, “I know you’ve been avoiding this the whole school year…” “Mrs. Johnson…”, I start. “Just hear me out…I think you need to call John’s parent.” “MRS. JOHNSON!” I reply. “I know! I know!” she replied, “I hate doing it too. But, you’re going to have to contact parents when you have your own classroom. There’s no better time to start than the present.” She passed me the student information sheet with his mother’s contact information and shooed me out of the class.

I walked out of the classroom into the privacy of the teacher’s lounge. I rehearsed what I was going to say in my head maybe thirty times. I mustered up just enough courage to dial her number. A wave of relief washed over me when the phone went to voicemail. Great, she did not answer. I’ll leave a brief voicemail explaining who I am, what I am calling about, and where she can reach me. In the middle of me reciting my memorized speech, my phone began ringing. I felt my stomach drop when I recognized the number as John’s mothers’ number. Dang. I thought I avoided this. I give myself the shortest, but strongest pep talk I could in a matter of seconds. I took a deep breath and picked up the phone.

Me: …Hello?

Mrs. Brown: Hi, is this Ms. Aaron?

Me: Yes it is, thank you for calling me back.

Mrs. Brown: No problem, thank you for reaching out. I listened to your voicemail, and I had no idea that this was something John was doing!

Me: (nervously) Yes ma’am. He refuses to participate, and because of this, he has a 42 in the class. I wanted-

Mrs. Brown: A 42?! He has a 42?!

My stomach dropped again. Here it comes. I knew it was coming. She is going to yell at me, and question my quality as a teacher. Oh God, here it comes.

Mrs. Brown: Why does he have a 42? I just asked him how he was doing and he said he was doing fine.

Me: He is actually missing several assignments. I always remind him that he can turn in the work to boost his grade, but I think it goes in one ear and out the other.

Mrs. Brown: You know what, I need to be honest with you. I work overnight, so I am not at home with his as often as I would like to in order to stay on top of him. And knowing John, he is probably staying up all night on his damn Play Station, which would explain his sleeping in class.

I breathed a sigh of relief. This was not going as bad as I thought it would. It is actually going pretty well.

Mrs. Brown: Ms. Aaron, I am so sorry about how John has been acting. Please know that I will speak to him today when I get home. You will not have any problems out of him.

Me: Thank you so much for speaking to me, and working with me. And, please keep in mind that if there is absolutely anything I can do to help out, please do not hesitate to give me a call.

We ended the conversation there. I breathed another sigh of relief. That was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I walked back to Mrs. Johnson’s class with my head held high. I faced my fears. I talked to a parent about their child’s unacceptable behavior, and I did not combust. Who would have guessed? I learned that day that not all parents are going to be as pleasant as the one I spoke to. Yes, I will definitely get cursed out at some point in my career by a parent. Yes, a parent will probably bring into question my techniques and skills as a teacher. Yes, a parent will definitely hurt my feelings eventually. But, I also learned that not all parents are like that. The pleasant parents will far outweigh the meanies. And as long as I am appreciated by one parent, that makes all the encounters with non-pleasant parents worth it.