Like students like teacher

It’s weird to think of myself as a teacher and still be a student at the same time, and it’s funny to think that I’m going through the same thing that my students are. I feel exhausted, overworked, annoyed, excited, overwhelmed, and the list goes on and on.  Now, my students and I together have experienced four seemingly long years that lead us to the next step of our adult life (and they think they have Senioritis). It is interesting to be teaching seniors while you’re still one yourself. I think back to four years ago when I was in their position and realize that we are not all that different. I was a month away from graduating did not having a care in the world of how I was going to pass my classes because at that point it seemed futile. No, all I cared about was what my summer was going to look like. Now, it seems like I am doing all of those things with the added stress of finding a real job.

I have enjoyed being able to relate to my students on this level. I can be real with them and say, “I totally understand what you’re going through.” I can also tell them all about college and what to expect and talk it up to them, so they want to do better. Knowing I probably only have a couple more years of being that closely relatable to them, I must take what I can get now. Even though I like having that connection with my students, I am still looking forward to being able to make different connections with them that I feel like I didn’t really get a chance to do this year.

Having another teacher in the room, while it can be helpful, makes it difficult to know if the students are truly being genuine with you because they see you as the teacher or because the real teacher is in the classroom. It’s possible that it can be both. I also wonder about what will happen when I have my own classroom. Will I really know how to handle a sticky situation without my CT there to back me up? What if I get stuck on explaining something to the class? What if I won’t really know how to teach ninth graders? These are questions that go through my head at least once a day. Hopefully my future self will be able to answer all of these questions if someone chooses to hire me. 🙂

Left Behind

When I was about seven years old, my family was eating dinner at Red Lobster. When we were done, my mom, sister and I went to the restroom. We had driven separately for some reason so after dinner my brother went with my dad and my sister went with my mom. Yep. I was left behind. Somehow there was a mix-up, and each of my parents thought I went with the other. I came out of the bathroom back to the table, only to find my whole family gone. I looked around and saw no one. Being scared, young, and unsure of what to do, I went back to the bathroom and locked myself in the stall. I remember wishing for my favorite stuffed cat at the time, Stripes, to hold for comfort. Eventually my parents figured out what happened and came back for me. Now the running joke in my family is not to leave me behind when we’re at Red Lobster.

So, I know I’m “behind,” but I’ll get there eventually. Lately, this week and the past week I’ve been feeling pretty down about the job search and everything. I know I shouldn’t worry so much and be happy that we’re close to being done, but it is still hard. I still have the fear of being behind and I guess I’m still doing that! (Although for the most part, I really am on time!) I think it happens to all of us occasionally. For me, I’ve sort of felt this my whole life. I’m the youngest of three–the last to learn how to ride a bike, the last to learn how to drive, and the last to graduate from college. I’ve always wanted to catch up, but I realize now I can only go at my own pace. I’m a slow test taker and it takes me time to gather my thoughts, but in a way I think this is one of my skills as a teacher. I think through things and do my work thoroughly. I may not get a teaching job until later in the summer, but I’ve accepted that.

I definitely have a fear of my students being left behind. I want them to do well–to succeed–but I know that no matter how hard I try–some will get left behind. I will try my hardest, though. I will never give up on them because I care about their education and their future. Maybe I can even relate to them by sharing my own experience of being a slow worker. Everyone works at a different pace. After all, they say life is a marathon not a sprint, right?

I can honestly say that at the beginning of the semester I didn’t realize just how much I would need this blog. It has been a nice outlet to talk about both the good and not so good teaching experiences. So here’s a toast to a semester full of experiences and hopefully a future with plenty more!

When to give up

My final, and possibly my most important lesson was that I will not be able to save all of my students. Prior to student teaching, I had an idealized hope of my classroom. No matter the student, no matter the circumstance, no matter what lengths I had to go to, I will be able to help all of my students. I even went into student teaching with that same mindset. Unfortunately, or possibly fortunately depending on how you look at it, my mindset of “saving all of the children” changed this year.

I was teaching eleventh grade American Literature. This was at the beginning of the semester. I was still getting a feel for all of my students. Who were the over achievers, who were the class clowns, who were the talkative students. I also made it my goal to identify the underachievers, and figure out how to change them. Fortunately, this strategy worked for a couple students. I would bond with the student, and from there it would be easier to work with the student on improving their work ethic. This gave me a tremendous amount of hope that you can help students. It won’t be easy, it will take time, but it can be done. Then I focused my attention on Terrell.

Terrell was a student with Emotional Behavior Disorder. He was notorious for cursing out, and even physically assaulting, both students and teachers. Initially after hearing his intimidating track record, I was very hesitant to intervene. What if he curses me out? What if he assaults me? I was letting my mind run away with all of the possibilities. Eventually, I decided that the pros outweighed the cons. What if I’m the only teacher that tries to reach out to him because of his reputation? I could really make a difference.

Things started off well with Terrell. Surprisingly, we bonded. We had similar experiences in life, which made him a little more open to me and my attempts to improve his work ethic. However, it seems like my words of encouragement went in one ear and out of the other. He was still open to talking to me about things that were going on with him, but he would never attempt to change his behavior in school. I figured that I was making somewhat of a positive impact on Terrell. At least in the time that I started working with him, he had no behavior issues. That was until he threatened and attempted to assault my teacher.

He was of course suspended for his actions. Despite the severity of the situation, I figured that this should not overshadow his progress. He had gone two months without any behavioral issues. That should count for something, shouldn’t it? Unfortunately, shortly after returning back to school from his suspension, Terrell was given another ten days of suspension for skipping school. I was devastated that Terrell had ruined what we both worked so hard on.

I confided in my CT about my feelings. She told me that while she noticed and applauded my efforts, she knew that it was a battle I wasn’t going to win. She told me that it is our natural instincts as teachers to want to reach each student. She continued by saying that while I should try my hardest with all students, I have to learn when I have done all that I can.

It clicked

I had the best experience 2 weeks ago before we left for spring break. What might that be? Well, I’m glad you asked.

Before I begin, I will give you some background information. Okay, so I teach mostly seniors in an Advanced Composition class. The title is kind of misleading because it’s not really an advanced level class, it is the only senior level ELA class. This class is mainly to prep students for the next step in their lives. The class is geared for the students to make a lot of personal connections where they can write things based on their experiences and perspectives. At least two times every unit, we’ll have a critical discussion in which the students get to voice their opinions on things that are looked at earlier in the week. The students come prepared with their written think piece that can be anything that they collected notes on throughout the week. It is the teacher’s job to facilitate those discussions by having prepared questions or prompts for the students to talk about. Throughout the discussion, the teacher will also validate speakers and connect what each student is saying in response to the teacher or their classmates. It’s really interesting to hear the different perspectives of the students and these discussions turn out beautifully if led in the right direction.

Over the course of the year, I have struggled with leading critical discussions. There are a lot of factors that go into how well a discussion will go. The students have needed to read and take notes; they have to be actively listening, and the teacher has to be able to act as a facilitator. Most of the time, there is always at least on of these things that go awry and it’s not always the students’ lack of trying (even though it’s clear when it is). I have to admit, I never realized how hard it would be for me be able to successfully get through a discussion and feel satisfied with the end result. There were days when I would dread having discussions because I didn’t want to seem like a failure or sound stupid because of something I said or didn’t say. But, don’t fret, the story has a happy ending.

Two weeks ago, I honestly surprised myself. It was 7^th period, one of my more difficult classes because it’s usually like pulling teeth to get them to talk during discussions. They were discussing the different books that they chose to read, and it just someway somehow, my head stopped trying to generate questions out of thin air, and it decided to listen to what the students were saying and truly treat this as an authentic discussion.  It’s almost like something just clicked with me and I was able to facilitate this amazing discussion. The students were into it, and I was into it, and my CT was blown away. It was the best discussion we’ve had all year and it was with the most difficult class.

And now I have realized that somethings really do just come with time.

Permanent​

I was lecturing a unit on transcendentalism to first block. I cursed as I chipped my tooth and I promptly fled to the bathroom. I looked in the tiny mirror and wiped away the blood. Three teeth in the sink. Four. The smell of the decaying molars stung so sharp in my nose that I  screamed for help.

I flopped out of my bed. It was 5:30 on a Monday before school.

I spent that morning obsessed with finding meaning to my only “teaching dream”.

“For our Do-Now activity, I would like everyone to share a dream, and use elements of symbolism.”

A student interjected: “We should use the internet to get professional help.”

I swear my class is full of geniuses.

After Googling, I never wrote in that journal:“When your teeth fall out in a dream, it usually means that, in waking life, you’ve allowed something out of your mouth that should have remained in there permanently” (Dr.Oz).

My time is running out… In less than a month my mentor teacher takes over and I will be stripped of my status.  My own school had two open positions and did not consider my work real experience. The multiple job fairs have not landed me a seat in any principal’s panel interview. 

I won’t allow teaching to walk out of my life permanently.

 

Finding a New Home

So we are done with student teaching. Just like that, we must leave the place that we have called home for the past year. If we are lucky, we may have the chance to stay and teach at our school–most of us aren’t that lucky.

I told my students I would be leaving in a couple of weeks, and they were not happy.

But why are you leaving?

Can’t you just teach here?

Who is going to teach us?

Ummm no. You aren’t leaving.

I wish I had an alternative, but that’s just the way things go. It was hard enough switching to half days and seeing my old students as I leave in the middle of the school day.

Finding a new home will be tough. I have been in the same classroom, with the same staff, with the same students for a year. I have made the daily drive to another county every week day.

I got a glimpse of what it would feel like during Spring break. It was not fun. It was odd not having that routine, and it will definitely be odd during the summer and when I HOPEFULLY get another job.

This has been my home. A place that welcomed me with open arms and taught me so much. It is going to be hard to replace, but I am hopeful.

 

Trick Question

As I sit, bleary-eyed, trying to figure out what I will write, my mind wanders to what I expected to encounter in August and what realities of the classroom I have come to face since. All kinds of memories, good and bad, come to mind. I have left each day with many things to ponder, and the hour-long drive home makes that easier. I have never had more to digest than after my mock interview with the department chair at my school.

Mr. Black: “Tell me, what is your policy on late work? How do you handle that in your classroom?”

Finally, a question I feel half-confident about. I could just spout off what my CT has told me to do about late work, but what do I WANT to do in MY classroom?

Me: “Since I do teach seniors, I find it important for them to learn how to honor and stick to deadlines. It’s simply part of being a functioning adult. I do not accept late homework from students, however, I would need to consider the circumstances of each student, especially if they have consistent issues with turning in work on time. I am willing to be flexible with my students if they are willing to be open and honest with me. For minor and major assessments, I take off ten points for each day the assignment is late.”

Ok, yeah, that sounded good, not too idiotic. I consider students’ needs, and want to teach my kids valuable skills about being held accountable. What else did I miss?

After the hour long (ok, fifteen minutes, but it felt like an hour) interrogation interview, Mr. Black gives me feed back on my responses. And boy, did he have an issue with my response to this question.

Mr. Black: “Now, normally in school, it is ideal to stick to a schedule and have students turn in work on time. Time management, prioritizing, these are the soft skills we wish we could teach students. However, this is not the main part of our job. If a student is struggling with content or a specific strategy and falls behind, what motivation do they get from submitting a late assignment when they know they will still receive a failing grade?”

Me: “None?”

Blink. Blink. I wasn’t getting it. 

Mr. Black: “We want students to stick to deadlines, sure, but what is really important is that the student demonstrates mastery of the standard being assessed. Should they really be penalized for it?”

Excuse me? Standards? Now? In all of my time at this school, I have never heard one whisper of a standard or standards-based assessments, grading, nada. 

Have you ever taught a senior class, Mr. Black?

I think about his feedback on the long ride home.

No, he hasn’t. I know this for a fact. Mr. Black is a department chair with less than eight years of teaching experience, and since he is the chair, he decides which teachers will teach which courses for the year. Including himself.

What has he taught? Ninth and Tenth grade. Honors. No upperclassmen. No on-level students. Ever.

Ever, y’all.

While I care deeply about my students meeting the beloved standards, do you really think a senior gives a crap about anything going on in class? At school in general? HELL NO! If I gave my students all the time they needed to complete assessments based on their ability to “master the standards,” I would have a literal mountain of grading to do at the last. possible. minute. Because seniors. If I have learned anything from seniors, it is that they will ride the clock until they cannot possibly put if off a second longer. Sometimes it’s even impressive what they are able to do at the last minute.

Where is the line between mastery and meeting deadlines? In the real world, will their landlord or mortgage company allow them to have extra time to pay their bills if they don’t have the money on the due date? What would I be teaching my students, especially those hard to reach kids, about getting done what you need to do? What would this say about how I regard my assignments and class time?

I have struggled with having a severely jaded CT, and now I have a department chair with his head in the clouds.

I can’t wait until I have a room of my own.

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5 Ways my Break-Up Guided Me Through YCE

Prior to completing my YCE experience, I was informed over-and-over again how rigorous the year would be, how difficult the task overall would be, and how tiring the year would be. Previous YCE students, as well as professors, also mentioned how exhilarating and thrilling the year would be – but I had no idea the impact my students, my CT, or the year itself would have on my life. You see, about two months into the fall semester, I made one of the BIGGEST decisions of my life: I decided to separate from the man I was engaged to, the man I had been with for 6 ½ years, and leave the house I had lived in for years. To top it off, this all occurred two weeks before I began teaching my unit. Cue the sad violin solo, right? Wrong. This was by far the best decision I have ever made for myself. Difficult – Lord knows it was difficult – but the good kind of difficult. It was nice to come into school everyday, engaging with my students, knowing even though I was going through a difficult time, I was making a difference in theirs. Reflecting on this entire year, I realized that so many lessons that I learned throughout the course of my YCE coincided with my break-up.

 

5 Ways my Break-Up Guided Me Through YCE:

 

1. Adapting on the Fly
   1. The day I ended my relationship came abruptly. One night, I was lying in bed telling myself “You can do this. At least wait until YCE is over – then consider leaving,” but the next, my car was packed and had become my room for the next few nights. I “couch-surfed” for about a week during fall YCE before I was able to make arrangements to move in with a friend. You would think this type of situation would be oh-so-evident in the classroom – let me tell you, not a single person knew what had happened until I moved into my new place – not even my CT. I had to adapt – I made the decision, I needed to make it work. Just because I was going to a difficult personal time did not mean my students, my schooling, or my future should suffer. Fast forward to second semester, the week we were supposed to begin our Shakespeare unit, reading Titus Andronicus, a text that had not yet arrived, the copier decided to take a break. Act I is LONG. A single scene. Very dense. Yes, I could have read aloud; however, the students needed to be able to follow along the intricacies of the first Act. Even though I attempted the day before, I was forced to wait until the morning of to make the copies I needed. “Don’t worry, the technician will be here this afternoon, it’ll be working in the morning!” Perfect, I’ll just arrive early to prepare for the day. Well, if only the teaching world worked like that. I arrived that morning to a still dead copier. What do I do? I had maybe about 30 minutes before students began arriving… with no copier. They had the background information, but how do I begin reading the play without the play? I then realized along with background information, I had set the stage for discussing the universality of themes found within Shakespeare. Seeing as I taught Twelfth Night the previous semester, I remembered I had an activity that could be paired with She’s the Man – BINGO! I know, I know. I shutter at the thought of showing a movie in class; however, I was able to bring into the discussion, even during Titus Andronicus, the universality and modernization of his works – we were able to research other modern adaptations of Shakespearean plays and the kids had so much fun doing so. I was more entertained at how blown away they were when they made the discoveries themselves. So, what I’m trying to say is sometimes your best lessons (or decisions) come from last minute ideas or plans. Things will not always go in your favor, but things will work out.
2. Be the Motivation.
   1. At the beginning of the semester, I had students fill out an interest survey – I wanted to get to know them. Their likes, dislikes, interests, etc. I had one student who listed music as an interest. In a follow up conversation, I asked him what type of music he was interested in. He mentioned “all types,” but what he was more interested in was “producing music.” I was intrigued and the teacher inside me immediately began creating summatives in which he could express his mastery/knowledge through song. I had a hard time reaching him the first month or so; however, I made my breakthrough during the Shakespeare unit. As a summative choice, students could write a paper, sermon, or song exploring any theme found within the play of their choice. Wandering through the aisles of desks while students began working, the music-producing student asked if I had headphones he could borrow – this was it! He was finally going to create a song for me! As he turned in his final product I was B L O W N away! It was nothing short of amazing. I asked him if I could share it with the rest of the class, and he agreed to it. This student had previously been bullied by some of his peers and struggled with confidence and peer-to-peer interactions; however, when I played his song for the class, I saw a light in him that I hadn’t seen before. Since that day, he walks in each morning smiling and leaves with an even bigger smile. Our students need us to be their motivators – we should motivate them to be the best versions of themselves they can be. But they motivate me even more. Each day, despite what I was going through, they motivated me to get out of bed, get ready, and go into the classroom to mold their minds. I could have easily taken “sick days” to mourn the loss of a relationship, but I didn’t. I am stronger because of them.
3. Smile
   1. Simple enough, right? But when you are in the process of moving all of your belongings out of a house you’ve lived in for the last 3 years with a man you’ve been with for the last 6 ½, it’s hard to remember to smile sometimes. But then again, it’s hard not to smile when the department head is a literal angel-on-earth and greets you as you walk into the building. Or you see the bubbly-blonde from your cohort in the classroom across the hall, smiling encouragingly. Or your CT tells you the most random, off-the-wall anecdote because she thinks it’s that hilarious. But especially when you see your students in your class, looking to you for guidance or diligently working on the assignment at hand. Even on my worst days, just smiling at someone (or someone smiling at me) instantly brightened my mood. Sometimes you just have to grin and bear it – emphasis on the grin.
4. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
   1. This is a big one. I am a stubborn individual – always have been, always will be. So this was a hard concept for me to learn – and I learned it from a student. Let’s go back to the fall Shakespeare unit – why do most stories revolve around Shakespeare? Any who, I digress. The school I teach at pushes teachers to implement reciprocal teaching and PALS strategies; therefore, I decided to try a re-vamped version of PALS for seniors. From the beginning, students asked to read it aloud – they claimed it helped them understand when I did it for a previous scene. I agree, but only if I get volunteers to read along with me, since there were 9 different parts. Nobody steps up. Okay, PALS it is. As I begin pairing students up, I immediately get pushback from John. “I am NOT working with someone I don’t know. I will NOT read to someone I’m not friends with.” “Well, you’re not reading TO them, John,” I explain,”you are just working together to interpret and make meaning of the scene as partners.” “No, I will not work with someone I don’t know.” The situation escalates, John receives a warning, and proceeds to refuse to work for the remainder of the block. After emailing his mother, informing her of the altercation, some light is shed on the situation – John used to have an IEP, he struggled with reading and comprehension, but he was released his junior year. I had no idea he was not confident in his reading ability (hence the anger and frustration with working with someone he didn’t know) because he was such an amazing writer! If he had only asked for help instead of lashing out, I would’ve known how to assist him better. I now work with him one-on-one  to build that confidence up. Seeing him struggle, but address his flaws, showed me that it is okay to not always have everything together. I can ask for help. Instead of creating everything from scratch, I began to ask my CT, and other ELA teachers, for any resources they could spare for lessons I was preparing. I knew going into this career that it is heavily based around collaboration; however, I thought I needed to prove myself this year by myself. But that is not how you succeed – my CT guided me through the year once I opened up to her and began truly requesting advice. She has become my biggest confidant and supporter, thanks to John showing me how to ask for help.
5. DO WHAT YOU LOVE.
   1. This was the biggest lesson learned. I love what I’m doing now. I have loved EVERY. SINGLE. SECOND I have spent in the classroom – good and bad. It wasn’t fair to me that I was made to feel guilty for doing what I loved – which was the ultimate reason I left him in the end. Why should I have to sacrifice doing what I love, making a difference, forming those relationships because he didn’t understand or care? Everyday my students remind me why I chose to do what I did. They bring me joy even in the darkest of times. They make me laugh, smile, and cry in the best ways. I love what I do. By no means did YCE break me up – if anything, it helped me discover who I really am. YCE guided me to a place where I am happier, independent, and on my way to doing what I LOVE, for good. If I had to do it all again from the beginning, I wouldn’t change a single detail.

 

The Lost Community

At the beginning of the semester, I had a wonderful and developing relationship with my focus class’ students. There always seemed to be a balance between work and play, which made the classroom come to life. My kids seemed to be open with me, and everyday the majority of them would come rushing into the room to ask me how my day was going. After my outgoing student got the immediate attention they needed, I purposely asked by quieter students how they were doing; I wanted my kids to know that I cared. The community in my classroom was thriving (every teacher’s dream)!

After missing several days of school due to inclement weather, it seemed impossible to get back to the way things were. Every step I took forward, one particular student would push the class five steps backwards. This student would purposely try to start arguments with two other students (the only two students of color in my class). He clearly had a problem with them. After each inappropriate outbreak I would pull the student aside or verbally reprimand him during class; however, the two students that were targeted seemed to have the impression that I was fine with this behavior.

Like a volcano waiting to erupt, the two students’ harbored feelings came out during class. At this point the drama was starting to interfere with my students’ learning. I knew I had to get the facts (and my students) straight. During my “come to Jesus” meeting with the class,  I said my peace about targeting students and inappropriate outbursts, but from the looks on some of the kids faces they were going to forever be on guard while in this room. They clearly no longer looked forward to my class. I tried another attempt at explaining things with the two students after class, yet they still did not want to believe that I was on their side. They looked at me like I was alien when I said that I wanted them to tell me what they needed to feel comfortable in the class, and they rolled their eyes when I asked them to let me know if anymore issues with the other student occurred. Clearly these students did not have a great history with teachers following through with what they said.

Fast forward to the present:
My time student teaching is almost up. While the incident at the beginning of the year caused some good relationships to go sour, other relationships blossomed. The two students that were targeted (and of course their close friends) come dragging into class with evidence all on their faces  that they do not want to in the class. Despite my best effort, I have been “froze out”. This situation has truly been a wake-up call to me. I realized that I should have tried to handle things more aggressively when I first saw the situation forming. I cannot help thinking that if I had met with the two students earlier and tried to involve the counselors the end result would have been different. If I had done things differently there is no telling how awesome my classroom’s community could have been! I feel as though I failed my students this semester. I was not the teacher that I should have been for them, and I did not create a classroom environment that was welcoming to all. In the end, my students were the one’s that suffered. It was a hard lesson to learn (a very LONG lesson)! I know that going into my first year teaching, I will have a new lens with which to view situations, and I will have prior experience to use as a future resource. 

The Most Dramatic Post in the History of Teaching as Story Telling …How I Became the Bachelorette

I’m Becca K.

If you didn’t read the tabloid magazines from February to March when you checked out at the grocery store, let me give you a crash course in this past winter’s trash TV. Arie, the infamous Bachelor on ABC’s top reality show, proposed to Becca K. while still in love with another contestant. Red flags? Most definitely.

After a few months into the engagement, he broke up with Becca ON TV and proposed to the other contestant. Was this staged? Probably. But for the sake of this particular story, let’s go with this-is-one-hundred-percent-true.

Becca K. was promised a future that was then taken away from her. If you didn’t tune in this winter to the drama, let me just tell you my story. It’ll do the show a little justice…I think.

There I was at the final rose ceremony. I had on my best dress or really suit, and I had my speech prepared. My insides were a cocktail of confidence and uncertainty. Sure, I had gotten this far, but that didn’t mean I was promised anything. I received rose after rose. I made it through group (class), two-on-one (collaborating teaching) and one-on-one dates (YCE). I made a good impression, one that I hoped would help me out that day.

He called me in and spoke to me for what seemed like an eternity. By the end of our conversation, I had a job. I got the rose. I knew that I was qualified for the job, but there was still a part of me that was in shock. This was getting all too real.

I left the meeting with the promise that human resources would call me to make everything even more official.

So, I anxiously waited.

Teachers contacted me. The school contacted me. I visited with the staff and students. I was preparing for what I believed would be my future.

Yet, I was still waiting on HR.

Days went by.

 I still waited.

I got a call on a Wednesday during my 4^th block class. My collaborating teacher told me to take it out in the hall. She was anxiously waiting with me. Human Resources was finally calling me. My heart was racing as I unlocked my phone.

Instead of getting a “congratulations call,” I got a “you need to come up with a plan B, you don’t have this job anymore” call. Due to some unforeseen changes, the future that I had been promised was no longer mine.

I slipped my phone into my pocket and sunk to the dirty floor of the freshman building. I didn’t understand it—I had just talked to the principal the day before. None of what I heard felt real. My mind started to fill with words punching my insides.

You weren’t good enough in the first place. Why did you get your hopes up? This was bound to happen. Nothing comes that easily to you. Idiot. You’re screwed. Good luck trying to find a job. You should have made a better impression.

Hearing a student coming to the door that I was sitting outside of, I picked myself up, put a smile on, and entered the class to help my students. My insides were going crazy. Regardless of how I felt, the “show” so-to-speak, still had to go on.

I taught through my frustration. I taught through my anger. I taught through my confusion. I fought back all the tears. For someone who is emotional, it takes all the strength to fight the intense waves that were slapping me in the face during that moment.

And then the kids left, and a bit of my frustration, anger, and confusion did too. I no longer knew where I would be next year. I no longer had a job (thought I had a job). I no longer had a plan.

Like Becca K, I was promised something.

Like Becca K, I had my plans changed.

Like Becca K, I was given a second chance.

While I don’t believe that a reality TV show exemplifies true love or anything worth spending time on, Becca was given the second chance at something whether that be fame or this false Idea of true love as the new bachelorette.

I believe I was given a second chance that Wednesday.

Getting rejected at this school was my second chance at finding the right school to land in for this next year. Rejection S T I N K S. Having plans change on you outside of your control is H A R D. Feeling forgotten H U R T S.

Moving through rejection, changes in plans, and painful feelings make people stronger though. While this illustration most definitely is cheesy and maybe even a bit forced, I’m thankful for this second chance. I’m thankful to continue the job search in hopes that I find the right place to teach.

About everything that I have encountered this year has been packed full of life lessons and wisdom ready for me to take hold of. I feel like I have the wisdom of a 60 year-old after YCE. This second chance at a job has only continued this lesson learning process.

I’m learning that just like we say “We teach students about English…not English to students” I need to also say “I teach students at a school. Not (insert school name) students.” Teaching isn’t about a particular school or subject matter. Teaching isn’t about seeming cool. Teaching isn’t easy like people make it out to be. Teaching isn’t arts and crafts and nap time. Teaching isn’t reading books for fun. Teaching isn’t simple. No, not at all.

Teaching is about people. Teaching is relationship-building. Teaching is helping Lauren in 4th block process her father dying. Teaching is getting the respect from thirty teenagers in one room. Teaching is keeping students safe. Teaching is intervening and reporting when students are in danger. Teaching is vision-casting. Teaching is trouble-shooting. Teaching is being a student’s mentor, friend, advocate, and safe-person. Teaching is hard. Teaching is worth it. Teaching is exhausting. Teaching is about believing in the future so much so that you want to spend times developing the minds of the future.  

I’m ready for the job search and more than ready to continue teaching…I’m scared but ready.

In the words of Becca K, “let’s do this damn thing.”